No really, I'm asking. Because I've been trying to figure it out for years. Sometimes I feel like other people know me better than I know myself. Am I just that unobservant, or do I really not know what I want in life? I'm sure a lot of people go through this sort of "self-discovery", especially in their mid-twenties. I think that's kind of the age where you really get a chance to find out who you are and what you want because you don't have the restrictions of your parents, or teachers, or various "mentor" figures looming over you.
You spend the first 18 years of your life being lead in certain directions and told what you need to do to be happy, but after school/college you're just expected to figure it out for yourself. Don't get me wrong, I have support systems and I love them dearly and I know if I ever needed help that I could pick up the phone and call (which I do, a LOT). But there are certain things that you can't call mom and dad for. Like, to have them explain to you what occupation is best for you.
"Dad, what career do I want?" is not a question that you'll get a legitimate response to. They'll tell you what THEY would do, but not necessarily what you would. I'm currently on the market for a new career, but I have little to no idea what I would like to do, or even what there is out there! What do people like me do every day? Who are people like me? It spirals into an existential crisis every time. Because what if what I want to do doesn't even exist? Or it does and I just don't know how to find it? I don't know what the demand is for someone-who-kind-of-knows-what-they're-doing-but-not-really-but-I'm-willing-to-learn position... That just doesn't really roll off the tongue.
And every place expects you to be an expert at EVERYTHING. How unrealistic is that?! I want to apply for the jobs that state: "We are looking for someone who is passionate about what they do and is willing to do what it takes to be successful at our company." That sounds WAY MORE enticing than, "We are looking for a passionate person who has been designing since birth and has 25 years of experience in a 15-year-old software. Must have helped design the proprietary program that we use exclusively at this company only."
I am immediately turned off by job posts that are 6 pages long, talk about the full history of the company and every project they've ever worked on, then list a mile long set of "Qualifications" that no human could possibly meet! How many people are experts in more than like 3 or 4 things, and you want me to be an expert at 10 different programs, AND expect me to know how to talk to people? If I was an expert at 10 programs when would I have any time to go outside and talk to ANYONE??
But I'm going off on a tangent. This is supposed to be about me figuring out what I want to do. And the answer is honestly just, I don't know. I just want to have fun and do something I care about. Something that makes me proud to say, "I did that."
My take away from this rant is that even though there are things that I'm still learning about who I am and what I want, I think I have the major pieces of information down. I want to be true to myself and live a life that I can be proud of. There are too many people who will do anything to get to the top, even if it means sabotaging others. I just want to live a happy life, free of guilt or shame or anger towards others. I want to do something I love and not worry about making money, or being "successful", which is a relative term anyway. So I guess I do know what I'm looking for, but those aren't really bullet points they put on a job description. Oh well, I'm sure I'll find something amazing soon!
Much love!
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